Sometimes I feel like I’m in a Larry David movie…or maybe it’s Jerry Seinfeld. Same thing, right?
Witness this morning’s coffee run at a little indie place near where I work. I walked in and noticed that the female barista is the same one who made my iced skim latte way too milky last week, so milky that I threw out most of it. I don’t enjoy throwing out coffees that cost $4.50 plus tip. (You gotta tip; how else would the baristas afford their tattoos and piercings?)
Everyone else at this coffee shop and the world for that matter, makes iced skim lattes exactly the way I like. I never have to say a word. I’m not the guy who asks for the half-soy latte with a touch of foam.
But see, I knew this particular barista was someone who liked to go heavy on the milk. In fact, I think she was suffering from what I like to call ‘heavy milky hands.’ My wife has the same thing…it’s the curse of putting too much milk in coffee. As my mother used to say, ‘If I wanted milk, I’d have milk.’ It’s why I drink coffee black but I still like the occasional iced skim latte in the hot weather.
I couldn’t decide whether I should say something before my drink was made. Maybe last time was a fluke after all so I let it go. But the moment she put my drink out, it was clearly way too milky. So I told her ‘too milky’ and asked for another. I could tell she was pissed that I dared not coo over her ‘product’ but when you’re an artist, them’s the breaks.
I was about to tell her she suffered from ‘heavy milky hands’ because I figured she’d want to know, right? I thought about it for the long wait until she made me another drink but, unlike Larry David, I bit my tongue. That’s a lot more than I can say for the couple who pistol-whipped a Dunkin’ Donuts worker who gave them caramel instead of vanilla!! See, I’m not so unreasonable.
That was the first part of my Larry David day. The next came a little later when I ventured down to my company cafeteria where CBS was hosting FIOS so we could, if we liked, switch from Time Warner Cable which is screwing NYC consumers by blacking out CBS — boo!! I was listening to the nice woman from FIOS when I noticed the guy next to me was wearing the exact same loud, black and blue pattered shirt as I was. Let me tell you, this is a unique shirt. I bought it in an airport so I should know.
I poked him in the arm and pointed to my shirt and then his. He looked at me and said, ‘Oh yeah, I didn’t have much time this morning to get dressed.’ Really?